6-28-06 - 6 minutes of pure b.s.
So everything was fine with the shrinkette until she started this inner child shit. "Take your inner 4yr old into a safe room and give her a nanny to take care of her and all the toys she wants." This is, of course, all a mind game. The "inner 4yr old" is a metaphor for my repressed emotions. They are repressed because I am not ready to deal with them. SO - I took the inner 4yr old by the hand and I lead her to a nice room and I gave her a nanny. Then I walked out of the room (my outer 38yr old did anyway) and, with an evil laugh, I locked that fucking door behind me.
Inner 4yr old and all repressed emotions are securely locked behind a nice, imaginary, 4 foot thick, steel vault door. So there. Freaking metaphors.
Yes, I get that this is not "healing" me. But if we're going to imagine stuff, I'd just as well imagine that all those nightmare images from October-December of 2005 can no longer invade my sleep. Can I trick my subconscious? Isn't that the whole point of inner childism? To connect with and to soothe the repressed parts of your subconscious? I really don't know.
Three things:
1. The Eagles said "I want to find your inner child and kick it's little ass." That's how I feel about that.
2. What are we doing with my 38yr old, jaded emotions while we're playing around with the imaginary child?
3. If I had any clue how to nurture a 4yr old emotionally through something like this, I think my subconscious would already be doing that.
Maybe I'm done.
Maybe this is as good as it gets.
On a sidenote - I have come to loathe my friend. Every conversation in the past month has been 20+ minutes of her telling me in great detail (prefaced by "I don't want to worry you.) about her severe digestive issues and her sciatic nerve problem and her "narrowing of the spine". (all ending with "but I don't want to dump my stuff on you) 20 minutes of not dumping.
I was wrong about her taking too many drugs. She should take more.
Indifference. The opposite of love. I find that I do not care about her pain. I am annoyed by it.
She should be admitted..........or committed.
I wish I knew how to say "go away until you're healthy".
Inner 4yr old and all repressed emotions are securely locked behind a nice, imaginary, 4 foot thick, steel vault door. So there. Freaking metaphors.
Yes, I get that this is not "healing" me. But if we're going to imagine stuff, I'd just as well imagine that all those nightmare images from October-December of 2005 can no longer invade my sleep. Can I trick my subconscious? Isn't that the whole point of inner childism? To connect with and to soothe the repressed parts of your subconscious? I really don't know.
Three things:
1. The Eagles said "I want to find your inner child and kick it's little ass." That's how I feel about that.
2. What are we doing with my 38yr old, jaded emotions while we're playing around with the imaginary child?
3. If I had any clue how to nurture a 4yr old emotionally through something like this, I think my subconscious would already be doing that.
Maybe I'm done.
Maybe this is as good as it gets.
On a sidenote - I have come to loathe my friend. Every conversation in the past month has been 20+ minutes of her telling me in great detail (prefaced by "I don't want to worry you.) about her severe digestive issues and her sciatic nerve problem and her "narrowing of the spine". (all ending with "but I don't want to dump my stuff on you) 20 minutes of not dumping.
I was wrong about her taking too many drugs. She should take more.
Indifference. The opposite of love. I find that I do not care about her pain. I am annoyed by it.
She should be admitted..........or committed.
I wish I knew how to say "go away until you're healthy".
posted by Agnes at 5:28 AM
3 comments
