4-20-06 blog

I accidentally ran across my sister's blog. I knew she had one but I kinda thought it was all in fun for her.
There are posts there that I can't read (blocked). They are titled "Where is he?" "Everything sucks ass" and "It still hurts."

I don't want to read her posts because I want her to have her own private thoughts. To view them, with her knowledge, will edit her future thoughts. I suppose, just like me, she needs a place to lay out the most painful parts of her life - without discretion.
But she is my baby. I can't stand her pain a thousand times more than my own will ever hurt me.
Oh hon. If I could make it better I would.

Sadder than anything, I am part of a family who doesn't speak of their pain to one another. I can't even figure out how to start that conversation. I suspect if I did I would be met with the same reaction I would give them. "Oh, I'm fine." We don't burden each other. We wear our masks.

I wish I had the ability to pour so much love over us all that we would never feel a minute more of this loss.

I love you baby. Hang in there.