12-5-05 I don't understand

I saw you three weeks ago Dad. You could walk then. Now you look like a ghost. You're afraid to stand, and can't do that on your own. I don't know what is going on inside you. I don't understand how this one little tumor has taken so much out of you - and keeps taking. I'm afraid you won't last the week.

You held me and said "Whatever happens I want you to know that I love you." And there were a thousand other things in your voice. So much more you wanted to say. But you don't need to Daddy. Because I know already.
I said "I know and I love you too. You keep fighting. I really need you to fight."
You said "I'm trying."

On the phone last night I said "I'll be back for Christmas. Three weeks." And you said "I love you." but that one sounded like you won't be here then. I feel like we've said goodbye.

I will forever be angry at the medical community. They are not doing enough and they are not doing it fast enough. How can you be wasting away like this? How can they not be doing something about it?

And I see my future. I see me where you are. No one will take care of me like she takes care of you. No one.

Daddy. Please don't go. Please fight.
Oh god, please win.