10-9-05 Cancer +9

I do not understand.
His fever is 104+ in the evenings. He is weak. He is hungry but cannot eat. He has trouble breathing and panic attacks. (Does he think he's dying?)
Mom is losing it. She's "deep cleaning" the house. It's nervous energy and fear and her way of coping. (Does she think he's dying?)

MD Anderson gave them an appt for NEXT WEEK. "Oh, it's ok. You can wait 7 more days."
WAIT??? I don't understand "WAIT".
They went to MD Anderson ER in the middle of the night via ambulance because he couldn't breathe.
MD Anderson released him.
I don't understand "released him".

His job called. He has no vacation or sick time.
They want him to decide if he's going to quit or if they have to put him on "Family Medical Leave". Family Medical Leave means he won't get paid. It means he'll have to pay in full for his insurance. Not much different than being unemployed.
16years at one company. 2 years from retirement.
I don't understand corporate buracracy or insurance.

They're fast running out of money. Savings and Money Market accounts are going away fast. They may make it through Christmas. They will need to sell the old house next door. But it is really in no condition to sell. And it isn't much. About 1,000 sqf of rotting wood and tired floorboards.

I want to give them everything. But I have nothing to give but emotional support, and althought I won't let on, I'm in no condition now to offer that.

I'm learning my lessons and they are far too late in coming.
Hoard. Hoard every penny.

Everything about my heart is broken.